Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday! by Penn Jillette

Published by Blue Rider Press on November 13, 2012 

If you read God, No!, you know what you're in for with Penn Jillette's new book. Penn rambles. Digression should be Penn's middle name. He can't talk about Christmas songs without launching into an analysis of the lyrics to the "Theme from Shaft." The books are nonetheless noticeably different. Where God, No! has an organizing theme (not that the book is in the least bit organized), this one aspires to be nothing more than a collection of stories. In a strange way, however, that makes Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday a better book. If Penn is just sitting back and telling story after story without aiming for a broader point, it doesn't matter so much that he rambles. And on the whole, the tone of Every Day is an Atheist Holiday is less angry than the last book, seemingly written by a kinder, gentler Penn, although one who is still acerbic when the mood strikes. The stories are funnier, or at least more consistently funny. Some are brash, some are sweet, some are both at the same time.

The title notwithstanding, Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday is even less about atheism than God, No! One of Penn's longest and best riffs on religion examines Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech, pointing out that King reached out to all Americans, not just religious Americans, and included relatively little religious language in the speech. Penn suggests that the concept of inclusion has been lost in the rhetoric of those who incorrectly proclaim America to be a "Christian nation," a phrase that deliberately excludes every American who isn't a Christian. He then meanders into a biting discussion of evangelical politicians and of cynical politicians who aren't particularly religious but nonetheless make a big show of attending church (particularly when they get a chance to make a speech). He skewers Republicans and Democrats alike, and does so with sustained coherence. Every Day is an Atheist Holiday is worth reading for that chapter alone.

Apart from a concluding chapter that equates morality with atheism (rehashing an argument from God, No!), Penn returns to storytelling for most of the rest of the book. In that regard, Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday can be viewed as a celebration of life (as opposed to the celebration of a deity), particularly naked life. Penn likes to be naked, especially in public, and he likes to write about naked people and about his reproductive organ. A photograph of Penn receiving oral gratification resulted in a blackmail attempt that Penn turns into an amusing story. Other, seemingly random stories he tells focus on pranks he's pulled, mishaps he's endured, and celebrities he knows (no surprises: Donald Trump is a pompous a-hole, Clay Aiken is bitchy, Bob Dylan is a nice guy). He talks quite a bit about the history of Penn & Teller and a little bit about magic. Occasional stories pertain at least tangentially to atheism, including a dustup with Disney, a company that is no friend of freedom.

When he stays on track (which isn't often), he philosophizes -- and actually has interesting, carefully considered things to say -- about comedy and the art of performance, death and the passage of time, tolerance and friendship. He even devotes a brief chapter to denigrating atheists who insist on labeling all Christians as racist or sexist, thus indulging in the same sort of name calling to which religious extremists resort when they attack atheists. Fortunately, he tends to espouse libertarianism less in this book than he did in the last one. Despite his tendency toward redundancy (it's great that he loves his kids, but I got that the first twenty times he said it), much of what Penn says in this book provokes laughter and/or thought, and that's more than enough to make it worthwhile.

RECOMMENDED

Bibliomysteries by Jeffery Deaver and Anne Perry

MysteriousPress.com is publishing (in digital form) a series of stand-alone mystery stories by popular crime authors in which books, bookstores, libraries, or manuscripts play a central role.  I don't usually review individual short stories, but I'm making an exception for the Bibliomystery series because the concept is interesting and the authors are well known.  Four stories have been published to date.  These are the two I've read.

"An Acceptable Sacrifice" by Jeffery Deaver was published on November 12, 2012

A joint operation sanctioned by Mexico City and Washington, D.C., pairs P.Z. Evans with Alejo Diaz, two killers hired to take out Alonso "Cuchillo" Carillo, presumed leader of the Hermosillo Cartel. According to an informant, in two days the cartel will set fire to a bus full of tourists to protest Mexico's war against drugs. Why Cuchillo doesn't pursue the time-honored defense against such wars -- paying off the federales -- is unclear, but the story requires the reader to accept the unlikely premise that blowing up tourists has something to do with the drug trade. A more intriguing question is whether Cuchillo really is a cartel leader, as opposed to a legitimate businessman. As is so often the case, the intelligence pointing to Cuchillo's guilt might be faulty.

Since Cuchillo allegedly intends to remain in his compound until the bus is in flames, Evans and Diaz must find a way to gain entrance. Fortunately for them, Cuchillo collects first editions and rare books, a "weakness" that the killers hope to turn to their advantage. On the other hand, Diaz wonders whether such a pleasant book lover could really be a ruthless killer. What if they are assassinating the wrong man? Unfortunately, that question fades into the background as the story advances.

Point of view shifts from Evans and Diaz to their employers in D.C. to Cuchillo, giving the reader a variety of perspectives as the relatively simple plot unfolds. "An Acceptable Sacrifice" works because the characters are engaging, the dialog is amusing, the atmosphere is convincing, and the story moves quickly. The story's theme gives Cuchillo a chance to explore the relative merits of literature and crime fiction (not surprisingly, he extols the craftsmanship of popular novelists over the "pretentious artifice" of "so-called literary writers"). A couple of cute twists lead the story to a satisfying resolution. It's a bit disappointing that Jeffery Deaver didn't flesh out the "drug lord versus legitimate businessman" theme in greater depth, but that's my only serious complaint about the story. This isn't great literature (which, I'm sure Deaver agrees, isn't always pretentious, despite the views expressed by Cuchillo), but it is a fun, well-crafted crime story.

RECOMMENDED

"The Scroll" by Anne Perry was published on November 12, 2012

In a crate of old books purchased from an estate, Monty Danforth finds a scroll written in Aramaic. The writing on the scroll does not reproduce on the photocopies he tries to make or on the digital photographs he tries to take. Soon three bidders show up -- a scholar, a bishop, and an old man accompanied by a little girl -- seeking to buy the scroll and issuing dire warnings about its evil nature. Danforth decides it is time to consult his employer, the bookshop's owner, who has been home ill for a few days, but discovers that the owner has died in a fire. Now the decision to sell the scroll is Danforth's responsibility, but how can he decide which buyer deserves to have it?

The theme of "The Scroll" is a familiar one: Will an ancient scroll undermine fundamental teachings of Christianity and, if so, will the church destroy it to preserve its myths? This leads to a correlative question: Does Danforth have the right to decide whether the scroll should be published, potentially undermining the faith of millions, or suppressed, potentially depriving the world of a vital truth? Notwithstanding the story's familiarity, Anne Perry gives it a fresh twist as the reader is left to ponder the identity of the strange little girl and her relationship with the old man. Perry's writing is evocative but the ending, after such an interesting setup, is disappointingly convenient.

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Bullets Are My Business by Josh K. Stevens

Published by Dutton Guilt Edged Mysteries on November 20, 2012 

If someone set out to write a parody of a Sam Spade novel, Bullets Are My Business might be the result. The problem is that Sam Spade novels are self-parodying. Their over-the-top nature is what makes them fun. Bullets Are My Business is over-the-top, but it isn't fun. It could be that Bullets Are My Business is a tribute novel, but if so, it is a weak imitation of the real thing. The book is billed as "modern noir," but if people weren't listening to music on CDs, you might think you were reading a trashy pulp novel published six decades ago and deservedly forgotten.

Levi Maurice is a contract killer. Levi's sister Chenille is also a killer, albeit for different and somewhat obscure reasons. For a guy with an interesting job, Levi is surprisingly dull. Levi enjoys killing, torturing, and humiliating people, which seems to be his version of a personality. He also enjoys drinking heavily. He has bad luck with dames, perhaps because he thinks of them as dames when he isn't referring to them as broads. Other characters also routinely refer to women as dames and broads. Levi refers to Asians as "slants." Does this story take place in a parallel politically incorrect universe? The determinedly anachronistic language is puzzling. Reliance on language that has all but disappeared from use would make sense if the novel were set in a time when the language was commonplace, but its appearance in a modern novel merely emphasizes the story's detachment from reality.

One day Levi comes home and finds a letter. Thugs immediately try to kill him. He doesn't know why. For the rest of the novel, people are trying to kill him. Some think Levy killed a guy named Vincent, others want him to find out who killed Vincent (and threaten to kill him if he doesn't). I cheered on all the people who wanted Levi dead but, sad to say, Levi can out-fight and out-shoot a half dozen bad guys at once (on a good day, maybe a dozen). More letters pop up, people aren't who they claim to be, and it's up to Levi, with the help of Chenille and his cop-friend Jacks, to make sense of it all.

The plot is convoluted but it all gets untwisted in an explosion of words at the novel's end. Apart from the plot, nothing about Bullets Are My Business is original or interesting. A character is about to give Levi a vital piece of information when, a moment before he can say the name Levi wants to hear, a bullet takes him out. How many times has that been done? Josh Stevens' writing style is pedestrian ("I pull the trigger and the top of his skull erupts like Mount St. Helens." and "I get to see another day. Good for me."), too often dependent upon cliché (a wound is "screaming like a banshee"; Levi hates people who try to "knock my block off"). The final action scene is preposterous. A ton of people show up with guns but they all refrain from using them so Levi can fight them one-on-one. Whether they are staring at each other or dancing or playing cards while Levi is fighting, we just don't know.

Maybe the cheesy writing is part of an effort to make the novel sound like 1940s pulp, but this isn't the 1940s. If the writing had been of a higher caliber, Bullets Are My Business might have been a modest success. Unfortunately, it is what it is, and what it is isn't good.

NOT RECOMMENDED

Happy Thanksgiving

Shoggoths in Bloom by Elizabeth Bear

Published by Prime Books on October 23, 2012 

Elizabeth Bear is a graceful, imaginative writer who skillfully illuminates the depths of the characters she creates. While the social relevance for which she often reaches sometimes seems a bit forced, she deserves credit for pushing the boundaries of science fiction and fantasy.

The stories in this collection I liked best tended to be science fiction. My favorite, "Tideline," won a Hugo. It is a poignant and memorable story. Chalcedony, a malfunctioning derelict of a war machine, combs the beach looking for pretty objects she can string together to make necklaces. She needs the help of a boy named Belvedere to carry out her final mission. Bear blends science fiction with one of Lovecraft's monsters in "Shoggoths in Bloom" as a black scientist in 1938 confronts a moral dilemma. This Hugo-winning story explores the ethics of enslaving a species that was created for the purpose of being enslaved. While full of entertaining ideas about future living, "In the House of Aryaman, a Lonely Signal Burns" is primarily the story of a murder investigation, complicated by shifting identities and an engineered cat that seems to have lost its memory. "Dolly" gives a slightly new twist to the "fine line between androids and humans" theme.

Other stories in the collection are less impressive but still worth reading. After she receives a brain implant for pain management, a young girl in "The Something-Dreaming Game" makes herself pass out from oxygen starvation so she can visit aliens who have a use for her implant. A former rock star and guitar goddess -- "The Girl Who Sang Rose Madder" -- while pondering the approaching end of her life, learns the meaning of life and death from dead guitar players. Whether brain repair is a euphemism for mind control is the question asked in "Gods of the Forge," a tale of industrial espionage that ends too abruptly. "Annie Weber" is about parasitic aliens who enjoy drinking cappuccino. An HIV-positive kid must decide whether to live her life as a harpy in "The Horrid Glory of its Wings."

Some stories don't have much to do with science fiction or fantasy but were nonetheless interesting, if unspectacular. "Sonny Liston Takes the Fall" is an odd story about Sonny Liston and Muhammed Ali and the experience of being black in America during the middle of the twentieth century. "Sounding" is about a whale that helps a struggling fisherman find some tuna. "Confessor" is an attempt at a thriller with the addition of genetic engineering.

There are also stories that didn't do much for me. With advice from a witch, "The Cold Blacksmith" tries to manufacture a heart for a demanding girl. A witch also turns up, along with a princess, in "Love Among the Talus," a story about which potential suitor the princess will marry after the battles cease. A dragon named "Orm the Beautiful" negotiates with the Museum of Natural History to preserve his Chord. The last shark eats the last people in "The Inevitable Heat Death of the Universe." In "Cryptic Coloration," three giggly girls stalk their professor who, when he's not teaching, uses his abilities as a magi to track down mythical creatures -- the sort of creatures who prey on giggly girls. In "The Ladies," women have the right to vote and Thomas Jefferson persuades John Adams' wife to run against her husband in the presidential election.

On the whole, while the collection is uneven, the best stories are exceptional and even the stories I didn't like so much are readable. The collection is an excellent introduction to Elizabeth Bear for science fiction and fantasy fans who would like to become acquainted with her work.

RECOMMENDED