As If by Isabel Waidner

First published in Great Britain in 2026; published by FSG Originals on June 16, 2026

Since Shakespeare, identity confusion has been a common theme of literature. As If is a story of identity confusion on steroids. I rarely understand absurdist fiction, but if the story is amusing, I enjoy it. As If hooked me immediately and entertained me thoroughly, even if it left me wondering about its meaning.

Aubrey Lewis is a former actor. He had some minor success, particularly as “an absurdly young Vladimir” in Waiting for Godot, before having a breakdown in a stage production of The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner. That ended his stage career, but he did manage to score a supporting role in a long-running BBC series., Performing with a prosthetic nose, he lasted seventeen years. As the director noted, the part didn’t require a lot of acting: “It’s all in the nose.”

The show was canceled less than six months after Aubrey’s wife Laurie lost a four year battle with cancer. Aubrey moved to an inexpensive sublet to make his savings last longer and donned a tracksuit that he began to wear every day. Aubrey essentially checked out on life, something he arguably did when he began to support himself by wearing a prosthetic nose in a thin role.

A week before the novel begins, the director who originally cast Aubrey for the BBC series offered to cast him in a sequel. Aubrey responded without enthusiasm. He plans to blow off the audition. He has little interest in resuming his life, much less his career.

The story opens with Lindsey Korine walking into Aubrey’s apartment and making himself at home. Lindsey bears a striking resemblance to Aubrey. Lindsey is married to a woman named Laurie but Lindsey’s Laurie is still alive. Lindsey lives in a nearby flat, or he did until he had a fight with Laurie two days earlier. She told him not to come back if he walked out and he hasn’t been home since. Lindsey was sleeping rough until he spotted Aubrey and followed him home.

Aubrey is surprised to see Lindsey in his apartment but makes no attempt to force him to leave. Instead, he tells Lindsey his story, although Aubrey and Lindsey often seem to be talking past each other. Aubrey eventually leaves his apartment and Lindsey takes up residence there.

For the rest of the novel, Aubrey and Lindsey live each other’s lives. Lindsey auditions for the role that was offered to Aubrey and nobody seems to notice that he isn’t Aubrey. In the meantime, Aubrey stumbles into Lindsey’s residence and Laurie mistakes him for her husband, as does her son.

Lindsey becomes obsessed with Aubrey. They meet a couple of times after Aubrey walks out of his apartment. Their meetings are mildly confrontational but they seem to have no interest in trading places again or resuming their original lives.

The playing of parts is the novel’s central theme. Aubrey refers to Lindsey’s son by the name of the character he was supposed to play in the role that will be given to Lindsey while Lindsey is playing the role of Aubrey. Although Laurie doesn’t seem to notice that Aubrey isn’t Lindsey, she eventually reveals her knowledge that he is playing the part of husband — a role that will inevitably end. Lindsey reads Aubrey’s books about acting and plays his part well until, reprising Aubrey’s early career, he has a breakdown of his own. Another actor who resembles Aubrey/Lindsey (and who showed up at the audition) lurks in the background. Every person who plays a role, the story seems to suggest, can be replaced by a different actor. The play's the thing, after all.

The narrative perspective in As If shifts between Aubrey and Lindsey. It is reasonable to wonder whether the two identities are occupied by the same man, but whether that man is Aubrey adopting the identity of Lindsey or Lindsey adopting the identity of Aubrey is unclear. This seems like fodder for a book club discussion.

The reader can guess at the novel’s meaning as well as (or more astutely than) I can. It might have something to do with the desire to escape one’s own life and to live someone else’s, particularly as a reaction to loss. I recommend the novella-length book not because I understand it, but because the story is replete with understated humor and offers a banquet for thought.

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